I AM YOUR LEGIT GRANDMOTHER

By February 7, 2017 August 1st, 2017 Long time ago

February!!! We are keeping up with the red moods, and this got our pastor a new parting shot: `dear brethren, in this month of love, I ask of us to keep surprising the church by putting on red attires’.

In that red spirit, I refuse to overfeed you with that Valentine’s hullabaloo, but if you consider yourself a tall, brown and handsome kijana, in quest of a mrembo to `play couple’ on Valentine’s weekend, hit me up, will you? (Jokers are encouraged to grab this chance; wallet and handsomeness apply).

Happy New Year my people; Happy new month.

People my age are not of yesterday. We are proud beneficiaries of `maziwa ya Nyayo’; a lot that grew up when the internet users were as rare as 11/02/2011 (chemsha bongo), way before the discovery of the Kiswahili word for internet. You see those lyrics that you can just Google and get? Our eyes had to be opened wide on the buzz magazine which always had lyrics to a song. We searched for that buzz like a lost coin; in our father’s pockets, in butcheries, under the pillow, everywhere. We would then cut that lyrics section squarely and stick it in some exercise book which was first covered in some `jogoo paper’ then a clear polythene and labeled Songs in BOLD with a blue fountain pen. That song book was as valuable as a mobile phone.

It was trending news if your eyes landed on a Kenyan who had an email to his/her name. That newsmaker was a national hero who was most likely a top government official, or a black American, or a cool kid whose parents were the descendants of a colonialist, or else a Nairobian who owned a motorolla and used a Kencell line.

Maxwell my desk mate was a boy who walked in the ways of a cool kid. I don’t know how else to refer to a child who had 3pairs of toughee shoes while we walked barefooted (jiggers had an easy time), used sharp-pointed pens while spido and aim pens were our favorites, and was never a kikuyu speaker while some of us were affiliated with broken English {kikuyu speaker ×33}). He knew a thing or three about the internet and one of his short-term goals was to open an email to his name. Did the rest of us have short-term goals? Ooh yes, like being very obedient towards closing day so that we’re given 5bob to pay for video (those Nigerian movies or whatever they were that were shown on a 10 inch screen and we would pay the 5bob on the entrance, sit quietly on the floor and watch).

On this particular August holiday, my desk mate achieved his goal; he opened an email and that made me an internet user by association, and somehow somehow we became the face of the school as people would storm in class to stare at him. The compliments Matiangi is receiving is nothing close to what this guy got. During that term, our opener composition was to write on `A DAY I WILL NEVER FORGET’ and voila, my deskie narrated the email opening story. He scored marks high enough to pay for fare three times from Githurai to town and keep change (35/40). That score made those who had 25 and below to kneel on the parade ground with hands up and a paper stuck on their forehead reading; `I am a poor composition writer’. For lack of better thoughts, our English teacher Mrs. Maina saw eye-pleasing vocabularies like internet explorer, Google, 404 error, cyber café, mouse, yahoo, and thought, wow, this kid is way imaginative, he camps reading novels as his vocabularies are a break to the kawaida `as fast as a deer’. During assembly, the theme was praises to Maxwell and Maxwell became a mwenyeji to our ears. His composition was even read out aloud during parade and while at it, all the houseflies around were having a party as they met open mouths. The vocabularies!!! Then came that part where he parted with 110bob to open an email; it had me screaming as if a rubber band had just revenged on my hand. 110 shillings. Do you know that was 22 times my weekly pocket money? From that day, the boy legally acquired the nickname Mapesa. If you come across a man by this name Mapesa, tell him that I still love his wallet.

Those were the days. If this got your mouth open, head shaking, and you mind guessing how many years ago this was, I am your legit grandmother; people my age are your grandparents. Heck, I just wanted to feel a bit old.

grandmaonlaptop

Tall, brown and handsome (see above for details). Until next time, keep spreading the love.

The Unique Mumbi

About The Unique Mumbi

I smile a lot; let’s just say I am a smiling machine. I have never felt how it feels to have an English name; in that case, you can call me unique. Writing became part of me after my first and best heartbreak ever. Wasn’t this man an angel? Slow internet makes me want to scream, and cashew nuts love me too.

35 Comments

  • Kesh110 says:

    awesome!!! good job fellow grandma

  • Good day! I just want to give an enormous thumbs up for the good information you have here on this post. I might be coming back to your blog for extra soon.

  • I am also commenting to let you know what a exceptional encounter my cousin’s child went through using yuor web blog. She learned numerous things, which include what it is like to have an ideal helping mindset to have other individuals smoothly understand selected specialized issues. You actually surpassed my desires. Thank you for distributing those practical, dependable, informative and also fun thoughts on that topic to Mary.

  • A lot of thanks for each of your effort on this site. My aunt takes pleasure in making time for research and it is obvious why. My partner and i notice all concerning the powerful means you create vital guidance on this web blog and in addition invigorate response from some other people about this area of interest then my simple princess is without question learning a great deal. Enjoy the remaining portion of the new year. You are conducting a really great job.

  • kd 11 shoes says:

    I enjoy you because of each of your labor on this site. Debby take interest in getting into research and it’s really easy to understand why. A lot of people know all of the powerful mode you render very useful tips and hints by means of the web site and therefore cause participation from other people on the concept plus our child is really studying a lot. Take advantage of the remaining portion of the year. You are conducting a great job.

  • curry shoes says:

    I together with my buddies ended up viewing the good helpful hints from your website and then suddenly got an awful feeling I had not thanked the web site owner for them. These men are actually certainly passionate to read them and have in effect certainly been enjoying these things. I appreciate you for getting considerably accommodating and for picking out some really good information millions of individuals are really needing to be informed on. Our own sincere regret for not saying thanks to earlier.

  • I needed to compose you a little note to be able to say thank you again for those gorgeous tactics you’ve provided on this website. This has been simply pretty open-handed of you to allow unreservedly just what a number of us might have sold as an e book in making some dough for their own end, particularly now that you might well have done it if you ever desired. The tactics additionally acted to provide a fantastic way to fully grasp that other people have the same zeal just as my very own to see significantly more related to this problem. Certainly there are numerous more fun moments ahead for individuals that look into your site.

  • hermes belt says:

    Thanks so much for giving everyone an exceptionally memorable possiblity to check tips from this website. It’s usually very excellent and as well , stuffed with fun for me and my office acquaintances to visit your site particularly thrice in one week to read the fresh stuff you have got. Not to mention, I’m also actually fascinated considering the incredible techniques you serve. Selected two facts in this article are absolutely the best we have had.

  • jordan shoes says:

    I enjoy you because of your whole hard work on this blog. My mum really loves setting aside time for internet research and it’s easy to see why. Most people know all regarding the dynamic medium you present efficient information via this website and as well improve response from some others on the subject and my girl has been becoming educated so much. Enjoy the rest of the new year. You are always doing a really great job.

  • I wish to show my appreciation for your kindness supporting those individuals that actually need assistance with your area of interest. Your very own commitment to passing the message all through had become unbelievably useful and have truly made guys like me to arrive at their desired goals. Your personal important advice signifies a lot to me and extremely more to my mates. Many thanks; from each one of us.

  • golden goose says:

    I am writing to let you understand what a fine encounter my cousin’s child encountered reading your web page. She even learned plenty of details, not to mention how it is like to have an awesome helping mindset to make many people clearly have an understanding of certain complicated issues. You really did more than our expectations. Many thanks for imparting these productive, healthy, revealing and even easy tips on that topic to Kate.

  • golden goose says:

    I have to point out my love for your kind-heartedness in support of visitors who really want help with this question. Your very own dedication to getting the message all around became pretty significant and have constantly enabled workers much like me to arrive at their endeavors. Your entire warm and friendly advice denotes a lot to me and extremely more to my fellow workers. Thank you; from all of us.

  • kd13 says:

    Thanks so much for giving everyone an extremely nice possiblity to read in detail from this site. It is often so beneficial and full of a great time for me and my office fellow workers to visit your website no less than three times a week to see the newest guidance you will have. And indeed, I’m so certainly impressed considering the unique ideas served by you. Certain 3 areas in this post are essentially the best we have all had.

  • I抦 impressed, I have to say. Really not often do I encounter a weblog that抯 both educative and entertaining, and let me inform you, you have got hit the nail on the head. Your thought is outstanding; the difficulty is something that not sufficient persons are speaking intelligently about. I am very comfortable that I stumbled throughout this in my seek for one thing relating to this.

  • kd 10 says:

    This really answered my drawback, thanks!

  • The subsequent time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as a lot as this one. I imply, I know it was my option to read, but I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could possibly repair in case you werent too busy looking for attention.

  • Good day! I simply would like to give a huge thumbs up for the good information you’ve right here on this post. I can be coming again to your blog for more soon.

  • Spot on with this write-up, I truly think this web site needs way more consideration. I抣l in all probability be once more to learn rather more, thanks for that info.

  • yeezy supply says:

    Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive learn something like this before. So good to search out somebody with some unique thoughts on this subject. realy thanks for starting this up. this web site is one thing that is wanted on the web, somebody with just a little originality. helpful job for bringing one thing new to the internet!

  • You should take part in a contest for among the best blogs on the web. I’ll recommend this website!

  • Yeezy says:

    [url=http://www.humanracesshoes.us/][b]Human Race Shoes[/b][/url]

  • I used to be very happy to seek out this internet-site.I wanted to thanks on your time for this wonderful learn!! I undoubtedly enjoying every little little bit of it and I’ve you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you blog post.

  • Yeezy says:

    [url=http://www.yeezy.com.co/][b]Yeezy Shoes[/b][/url]

  • Yeezy says:

    [url=http://www.nikefactory.us.com/][b]Nike Outlet[/b][/url]

  • Yeezy 350 says:

    [url=http://www.yeezy350.uk.com/][b]Yeezy 350[/b][/url]

  • jordan retro says:

    I am usually to running a blog and i really admire your content. The article has really peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your website and preserve checking for brand spanking new information.

  • Yeezy says:

    [url=http://www.yeezy350.uk.com/][b]Yeezy 350[/b][/url]

  • [url=http://www.yeezy-shoe.us.com/][b]Yeezy[/b][/url]

  • UGG UK says:

    [url=http://www.supplyyeezy.us.com/][b]Yeezy Supply[/b][/url]

  • [url=http://www.yeezy-shoe.us.com/][b]Yeezy[/b][/url]

  • Whats up! I just would like to give an enormous thumbs up for the good data you will have here on this post. I shall be coming back to your weblog for extra soon.

  • jordan 12 says:

    I used to be very pleased to search out this web-site.I wished to thanks on your time for this glorious read!! I undoubtedly having fun with each little little bit of it and I’ve you bookmarked to check out new stuff you weblog post.

Leave a Reply